DOGROY interviews the comedian known only as CARRICK

A police sketch of Carrick in relation to the bombing of a cat shelter

Shplain who y'are

I am 6ft of anxiety and depression and mostly a waste of space and or oxygen.

Also take photos, have three degrees and drive too fast.

Where'd ya come outta?

Long story.

What brings ya to these here parts?

My car mostly and boredom. Also drink

Wha'd'ya make o' this fine place?

I have seen the abyss. God is cruel.

What's the most spine tingling thing ya've ever seen?

Once saw Michael D. Higgins. Also my only political view.

What's yer greatest crime?

Statute of limitations is still not over yet..

Common assault and speeding as well.

What's yer weapon of choice?

My pocket sized copy of the communist manifesto.

And I carry a multitool and or Swiss Army knife.

What's yer fayvorit bayst te ryde or get ryd by?

German Dominatrix

If ya were the High King o' the Land, what would ya be at?

I'm a traditionalist so Meath.

Attack:

Sufficient

Defence:

Insufficient

Power:

Equal to many of the beasts that roam the earth.

Health:

Very good recently stopped smoking.

Morality:

Chaotic neutral burgeoning on chaotic evil.

Net Worth:

More than you can afford

Length of willy or husband's willy:

Seven inches with seven inch circumference.

Favourite shape (No 3D ones please):

Tesseract. Which is a 4D cube.

Bonus Carrick question:

What do you think of Dogroy's dungeon?

Dogroy's dungeon reminds me of when I had to use dial up internet.

Dogroy’s questions had to be transcribed for him by his mother because he is retarded.