DOGROY interviews comedian Dakota Mick

Shplain who y'are

I’ll be honest, these days, the fuck if I know.

What brings ya to these here parts?

A woman, why else would a Yank come here.

What's yer greatest crime?

When I was a young’n. Myself and a friend stole a go-cart from an old man shed that was designed to look like his Model-T Ford. And every year he would drive his Model T and his grandson would drive the Model T go-cart before him in the 4th of July parade. Anyways we stole it but could not get it started. So pushing it towards our house in the middle of the night we got tired and stashed it in an old burnt out house. Planning to come back and get it. Well it became big news in a small town, and a $100 reward was offered for its return. So my buddy and I went to the old man’s house and told him we found it in this burnt out house. And he gave us the $100 dollar reward. Which was big money in the early 80’s.

What's yer weapon of choice?

I am partial to the M-16. Did most of my training in the military on that weapons system. And when adjust to my settings I am confident that I can reach out to you and say hello at 500 yards

What's the most powerfulest thing ya've ever done?

Bull riding

What is your favourite poo?

I would say the Hershey squirts, you know the type that make you feel like you shit out your insides.

What's yer fayvorit bayst te ryde or get ryd by?

I shall plead the 5th on this one.

If ya where the High King o’ the Land, what would ya be at?

Oh where do we start. The list would be long. I guess put a border wall around Dublin and build a nuclear power plant in Cavan.

What’s the most spine tingling thing ya’ve ever seen?

I guess watching two tornados pass either side of me on the Dakota prairie while I was watching from the top of a hill next to our ranch house

Attack: Swift and aggressive

Defence: Strong Attack

Power:

To see fifteen minutes into the future. Would make trading so much easier.

Fear:

Deep water that I can not see what is underneath me.

Smell:

New tyres. Some reason I always like that smell

Wealth:

That eludes me.

What d’ya think o’ me mother?

I would never bad mouth a paying customer. But she is into some freaky shit.

Length of Willy:

I am afraid that I must report of average proportions.

How d'ya expect te die?

These days not so sure. Seeing as I never thought I would make it past 30

Favourite shape (No 3D ones please):

Square

Dogroy’s questions had to be transcribed for him by his mother because he is retarded.