DOGROY interviews comedian Jamie Brennan

Shplain who y'are.

So my name is Jamie, James if your feeling fancy, sometimes I put an esquire in there. I am a sometimes comedian sometimes writer full-time retail worker.

What brings ya to these here parts?

I’m here because [PropagandЯoy] slipped and slided into my DMs, basically how all good stories start.

What's yer greatest crime?

I have eaten human before and proably will again.

What's yer weapon of choice?

My weapon of choice would probably be a chainsaw hand that I use as a replacement for the hand I lost in whatever post-apocalyptic scenario we end up in.

What's the most powerfulest thing ya've ever done?

The most powerful thing I've ever done was learn to love myself haha nah don't put that. Tell them I fight crime and stopped two bank robbers.

What is your favourite poo?

I don't have a favourite poo they’re all my children I cherish them all.

What's yer fayvorit bayst te ryde or get ryd by?

I have an agreement with "baysts" I won't ryde them they won't ryd me. Has gotten me this far.

If ya were the High King o' the Land, what would ya be at?

I think I would just swim around in all the money I've gathered from taxes. Also every fortnight I would disguse myself as a peasant and live amongst the common folk. Kinda like undercover boss but with more chance of being murdered.

Attack: 10

Defence: 5

Power: I have the power to say something really funny and witty but only when no one else is around.

Fear: Aliens any alien even E.T. little testicle looking fucker.

Smell: I think I smell pretty good but I really couldn't say

Wealth: I say eat the rich alot so im obviously broke as shit.

What d'ya think o' me mother?

Your mother? Why has she asked about me.

Length of willy or husband's willy:

Dinner and a movie and you can find out.

How d'ya expect te die?

Probably on the toilet honestly like Elvis.

Favourite shape (No 3D ones please):

Probably a triangle because if you put eyes and a mouth on it it looks like the friendliest shape in my opinion.

Please don't report the thing about eating people to anyone who might wanna cancel me

Cannibalism is such a faux pas lately

Dogroy’s questions had to be transcribed for him by his mother because he is retarded.