DOGROY interviews comedian Lesly Martinez

Shplain who y'are

I am a Venezuelan in Ireland

What brings ya to these here parts?

To Ireland? The weather. I love how the rain comes from a dimensional portal and no matter if you are using an umbrella or a rain jacket, you get wet anyway.

What's yer greatest crime?

I used to serve decaf coffee to rude clients.

What's yer weapon of choice?

Denial. I don’t like confrontation

What's the most powerfulest thing ya've ever done?

Staying legal in Ireland for 8 years even though I’m not European.

What is your favourite poo?

Heterogeneous pasty brown. It’s the healthiest one.

What's yer fayvorit bayst te ryde or get ryd by?

Not sure about understanding this question because of the language barrier…But, guys that don’t write with spelling errors in their own language and with their all front teeth, very important.

If ya were the High King o' the Land, what would ya be at?

Being useless… like every King.

What's the most spine tingling thing ya've ever seen?

A bunch of Irish teenegers

Attack: Avoidance

Defence: acting the maggot

Power: Masking

Fear: You

Smell: No thanks

Wealth: Not happening

What d'ya think o' me mother?

She’s as sweet as Mama Fratelli in The Goonies

Length of willy or husband's willy:

22 feet deep, 65 feet wide and 114 feet long. Are we talking about the Orca, right?

How d'ya expect te die?

I’m not expecting it

Favourite shape (No 3D ones please):

Squishy one

Dogroy’s questions had to be transcribed for him by his mother because he is retarded.