DOGROY interviews comedian and musician Luke Barry

Shplain who y'are

I’m an idiot boy, in an idiot man’s body. I pretend to be other people for money. Master of no trades, Jack of them all. (This initially autocorrected to Jack off them all, FYI) comedian, actor, podcaster , writer…

What brings ya to these here parts?

My wonky legs

What's yer greatest crime?

I released a rap album

What's yer weapon of choice?

Childish insults, you ugly sheep shagger

What's the most powerfulest thing ya've ever done?

I once got threatened by a Thai boxer who said, “I’m a Thai boxer”, to which I responded “yeah, well I box thighs” , dropped to my knees and started to pillow punch his thighs.

What is your favourite poo?

The one that’s not quite solid, and not quite liquid. The sort of poo that just flies out of you like a child on a holiday park slide.

What's yer fayvorit bayst te ryde or get ryd by?

What is a Bayst, and how do I escape it?

If ya were the High King o' the Land, what would ya be at?

Ban Nathan Carter from TV. Bring back fingering to the main stream. Tour the country in an ice cream van, giving advice to the peasants.

What's the most spine tingling thing ya've ever seen?

As a teenager I once found a dead goat on a beach that had been sacrificed in a satanic ritual. This is genuinely true, and was the single weirdest thing I’ve ever seen.

Attack: sack tap

Defence: curl into a ball and furiously masturbate

Power: the ability to hate anything

Fear: sincerity

Smell: like a cat who’s been on a 4 day binge

Wealth: the average level of poverty

What d'ya think o' me mother?

4 pints and I would

Length of willy or husband's willy:

Like a Judd Apatow film it’s too long in the middle.

How d'ya expect te die?

Falling off something, awkwardly, and clumsily!

Favourite shape (No 3D ones please):

Triangle, it looks like it could do damage.

Dogroy’s questions had to be transcribed for him by his mother because he is retarded.