DOGROY interviews comedian Phil Treacy

Shplain who y'are

1 of 8 billion hairless chimps occupying this rock

What brings ya to these here parts?

Curiosity

What's yer greatest crime?

Drink driving

What's yer weapon of choice?

Indifference

What's the most powerfulest thing ya've ever done?

Woke up consecutively for about 13,000 days in a row.

What is your favourite poo?

The next one

What's yer fayvorit bayst te ryde or get ryd by?

I'm asexual

If ya were the High King o' the Land, what would ya be at?

Shifting any work off to my minions

What's the most spine tingling thing ya've ever seen?

The end of days

Attack: of the Clones

Defence: Against the Dark Arts

Power: Rangers

Fear: and Loathing in Las Vegas

Smell: s Like Teen Spirit

Wealth: of Nations

What d'ya think o' me mother?

They're all sound, mothers.

Length of willy or husband's willy:

1500mm

How d'ya expect te die?

Burning alive like the other 8 billion

Favourite shape (No 3D ones please):

A squiggly line, anyone can draw one, true equality.

Dogroy’s questions had to be transcribed for him by his mother because he is retarded.