DOGROY interviews comedian Steve Elliott

Shplain who y'are.

I am the inexplicable one.

What brings ya to these here parts?

Panel van full of sweets.

What's yer greatest crime?

Monogamy.

What's yer weapon of choice?

Nunchucks or surprise handjob.

What's the most powerfulest thing ya've ever done?

Weightlifter by the name of Sharon.

What is your favourite poo?

January 1st 2000. 8.56am. Three lumps of equal length.

What's yer fayvorit bayst te ryde or get ryd by?

Rock Hopper Penguin.

If ya were the High King o' the Land, what would ya be at?

Finger blastin'.

What's the most spine tingling thing ya've ever seen?

Once saw a hot girl buy her own drink.

Attack:

Only when threatened or drunk.

Defence:

Good for sitting on.

Power:

Lunar.

Fear:

Silence.

Smell:

Petrichor.

Wealth:

I still have that sweet you gave me. Does that count?

What d'ya think o' me mother?

Had better.

Length of willy or husband's willy:

Haven't met the husband yet but hopefully, tiny.

How d'ya expect te die?

Badly.

Favourite shape (No 3D ones please):

Hourglass.

Dogroy’s questions had to be transcribed for him by his mother because he is retarded.