DOGROY interviews comedian John James of Langer & The Gowl

Shplain who y'are

I am a 28 year old comedian slash sound engineer from Cor… wait.. the next question asks where I am from. I will tell you then. I am also only going to be 28 for another few months. You will need to re interview then.

Where'd ya come outta?

I am from the same place as any decent Cake. Ovens, in Cork. I’m actually from Ballincollig, but couldn’t think of any jokes about Ballincollig. I hope that’s ok.

What brings ya to these here parts?

My car mostly. It's been described as looking like “a big gay hearse”.

What's yer greatest crime?

I once threw a chess piece at Jackie Chan. I assumed he would catch it but it just split his forehead open. It was a knight I think.

What's yer weapon of choice?

Depends on who or what I am fighting but a baseball bat with loads of sharks teeth and jaguar claws stuck to it seems pretty universal.

What's the most powerfulest thing ya've ever done?

I once burped so hard at a party that 2 girls dropped their drinks. I felt like Keanu Reeves.

What is your opinion on poo?

Needs must. I spend way more time sitting on the loo than I do actually pushing one out. It’s my happy place.

What's yer fayvorit bayst te ryde or get ryd by?

Into battle, probably like your standard war horse.

Between the sheets, probably like Jennifer Lawrence. Major crush on that lady.

If ya were the High King o' the Land, what would ya be at?

I wouldn’t have work, so I would probably be chillin, eating some class food and definitely listening to Langer and the Gowl podcast, new episodes every Monday, available everywhere good podcasts are!

What's the most spine tingling thing ya've ever seen?

I once saw Dogroys mother swallow a boat.

Attack: 8

Defence: 10

Power: Can shoot breastmilk on command

Health: T’wouldn’t be hectic

Morality: Chaotic Neutral

Net Worth: €36.80

What d'ya think o' me mother?

Honestly she has a great personality. Really great. She makes a good cup of tea. Face like a badger arsehole. Always generous with the portion sizes for dinner.

Length of willy or husband's willy:

I don’t have a Willy or a husband. I have got a jacket and that’s about one half of me long.

Favourite shape (No 3D ones please):

The humble triangle. No shit about it. 3 sides, 3 angles, 3 variations. Fucking solid old shape. Nice and 2D as well.

Dogroy’s questions had to be transcribed for him by his mother because he is retarded.

Not sure if this is a question, but ok.

Also read Dogroy's interview with The Gowl.