DOGROY interviews Jack Kirby, comedian of West Craic Comedy Club in West Cork

Shplain who y'are.

My name is Jack Kirby, I'm a 23 year old comedian. I've been doing stand-up for about 3 and a half years at this stage. I've been acting on stage since I was about 5 though. Got my big break as Joseph in my primary school's nativity play. I'm also an engineer and currently living in Düsseldorf.

Where'd ya come outta?

I'm from Farranree on the Northside of Cork City. It's a lovely place where bonfire night can be any night you want.

What brings ya to these here parts?

I came to Düsseldorf for work but I came to Cork cause a wizard sent me.

What's your greatest crime?

Tax evasion and smuggling taytos across the German border

What's yer weapon of choice?

I like a good hammer but you can't bate those sticky weeds you can throw at people.

What's the most powerfulest thing ya've ever done?

I've been crucified 3 times and didn't even need to be resurrected by my dad.

What is your opinion on poo?

Can't go a day without having at least one poo, I think I might be addicted.

What's yer fayvorit bayst the ryde or get ryd by?

It's a tough question, I'm pansexual so in my opinion you can't go wrong with a good wok.

If ya were the High King o’ the Land, what would ya be at?

I'd increase the amount of busses and trains we've got but put mine and my friends faces on the front of em like in Thomas the Tank Engine.

What's the most spine tingling thing ya've ever seen?

I saw the band Ghost live in Dublin and that definitely gave my spine a good tingle.

Attack: 75

Defense: 120

Power: Intimidation

Health: 50 (100 when hair is tied up)

Morality: Chaotic Good

Net worth:

I'm worth about 83 camels according to reliable internet quizzes

What d'ya think o’ me mother?

I think your mam is class Dogroy, you better be paying her well for her social media services.

Length of willy or husband's willy:

It's around 0.2 otters long

Favourite shape (No 3D ones please):

Rhombus ♢

Dogroy’s questions had to be transcribed for him by his mother because he is retarded.